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Nicholas Weed, Zach Acosta
D
o you remember the time when creativity and individualismmattered?
Doyourememberwhenyouweren’tdefinedbyatest scoreoranumber?
We do, and we want to forget it. It’s time to let go of the sentimental past,
and move forward into the future. We are aware of the efforts of both
students and parents in eradicating the aforementioned qualities once
prized by men and women. With more and more students focusing on test
scores, as that is seemingly becoming the be all end all in their minds for
college admissions, our goal of a better future is slowly but surely coming.
However, we here at 2400:24/7 seek to expedite this process. Our goal is
to rapidly conform children to our education model in an effort to make
their sole focus the improvement of their memorization and test taking
skills, while detaching them from their needless creativity. There is a small
prerequisite to employing our services, however. The price to have a child’s
creativity crushed comes with a small fee. This fee consists of the rights
and ownership to the child and amonthly payment of ten thousand dollars
until their graduation from our program approximately fifteen years later.
Our methods to ensure our ideals are mentioned in the name of our
company. In order to achieve the number that defines the child for the
rest of his or her life, we must begin training them non-stop, twenty four
hours a day. We would have parents enroll their children in our courses as
early as possible, preferably before they reach 3 years old, as this time is
critical in conforming them to our system. Firstly, wewill begin overhauling
their pre-existing educational and creative proclivities. This step would
consist of Pavlovian conditioning. What we mean is that we will expose
the children to harmful practices such as finger-painting or playing
outside, and when the children indulge in these backward activities, we
will apply an electrical shock to their bodies in order to condition them
to despise engaging in either method of play. We will also expose the
children to fun and interesting activities such as memorizing vocabulary
or mathematical formulas. Once the children partake in these practices,
we will provide treats, such as more memorization or gray clothes, in
order to encourage their participation in these activities. This style of
treatment will continue through elementary school and middle school,
with the frequency of the conditioning increasing as the children are
exposed tomore andmore of the world and all the bad things it has to offer.
Middle school is a critical time for the conformity of the individual to our
educational and visionary goals. People have said that middle school is
a place where children “find out who they are or who they can become”,
but we view it as a time of dangerous influences. Some malignant
influences include “friends” or “other people.” We view these distractions
as detrimental to our student’s growth, so we cut off all interaction with
others when deemed necessary. There is a small consequence for this
action, however. Our program has caused many of our students to become
bullied for being “completely engaged with flashcards” or having “no social
lives to speak of.” We implore parents to overlook these minor hiccups,
as we can assure that our students will be so conditioned to study that
they will take no notice of these slights. In addition, the same kids that
made fun of them or mocked them would be at a very slight disadvantage
when college application time rolls around, as they most likely will have a
lower score than our students. This is a small revenge that our helicopter
parents can indulge in, as seeing kids consumed by competition is a sight
that can bring tears of happiness to even the most cold hearted individual.
Once these youths reach high school age, our educational training system
becomes a necessity. In high schools today, kids are taught that they
are “important” or “can balance life with school work.” These are all lies
made up by senile men and women who, for some reason, believe that
individuality leads to good things. Once these kids enter high school, we
have to work swiftly in order to stamp out any remnants of their desire to
engage in activities that would distract them from achieving the only goal
that matters: getting a perfect score and earning a slight increase in their
chances of going to the college theywant. Onemight ask, “why not have the
students engage in extracurricular activities in addition to their studies?
Would this not help promote their image?” All we can do in response to
these questions is laugh. Who would pick a well-rounded, intelligent, and
kind individual as opposed to an antisocial person who defines themselves
by a number? Exactly. Nobody in their right mind would pick the former.
In order to achieve our goals in the dangerous atmosphere of high school,
twelve hour weekend classes would become mandatory. We would also
have the students under constant surveillance. This would not be for safety
purposes, but rather to ensure the completion of their required tasks. Now
we are not monsters, we have taken precautionary methods in an effort
to ensure their continued productivity in our demanding courses. We have
securedtherightstodispensetherequireddosesofperformanceenhancing
drugs, such as Adderall, in order to make the students run as efficiently
as possible. The consequences of these brain enhancing drugs pale in
comparison to the fleeting joy at achieving THE PERFECT TEST SCORE.
Once the students, now in their senior years of high school, have taken
Nicholas Weed, Zach Acosta