Little Inklings 2024

NEW ON THE BLOCK By Izzy Diamond ’28 In his defense, when Asher purchased his new home, it said that there were no outdoor problems or pest issues. Depending on how you look at the house, it could be true and not true. As Asher walked into his new home, everything seemed to be in place interior-wise: kitchen clean, floor clean, rooms tidied up. He found a note from the previous owner sitting on the countertop. The note read “SUCKER!!” Asher had no clue how to interpret this until he looked outside the window into the backyard. The backyard was maybe an acre or acre and a half, and it looked like a zoo. In the back right corner lay a massive crocodile and a massive alligator basking beside a tiny pond jumping with turtles and koi and frogs. The entire other side was taken up by a bamboo forest that contained what he could have sworn were lemurs or monkeys of some sort. Asher went back inside and called a pest person. Asher watched for 2 hours as the guy attempted to wrangle the reptilian beasts, only to have them run away and disappear in the bamboo. Asher realized that he should get through one night without worries so he returned to the untouched house and went to bed. At approximately 2 a.m., Asher was awoken by a disturbance in the kitchen. He realized his door had swung open and he was freaked out. He didn’t get out of bed but instead peered out of the door from his bed. He watched in horror as the big log-headed crocodile stuck his head through the doorway and stared at Asher. Asher just stared back, even though he was shaking but the thing wasn’t. The creature then crawled away. The next morning Asher went to the gun store. He purchased a small rifle and a flamethrower. He spent all of his food money, but the way he saw it, food didn’t matter if he was living with a crocodile. As soon as Asher got home, he went into the backyard. He saw the crocodile basking alone by the pond; the alligator was nowhere to be found. Asher aimed at his adversary and shot it dead. He watched as its body rolled over into the pond. The blood dyed the pond water a menacing hue of red. He then picked up the flamethrower and aimed at the bamboo. By the time he was done, there was nothing left and the backyard looked like a warzone. Dead animals were scattered everywhere and charred roots were on the ground. The only thing that blocked his sense of accomplishment was the absence of the alligator. The next day Asher woke up happy. He stepped outside into his backyard to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. The blackened forest was there next to the scarlet pond. As he was admiring his handiwork, he felt a surge of pain come from his left leg and looked down to see the alligator biting his leg off. Asher screamed and yelled as the reptile dragged him by his leg into the pond to drown and eat him. 22